It’s been a while it’d seem since I last stood before the mirror with tear stained cheeks and puffed up eyes

Ice cream doesn’t cut it anymore, there’s this longing for something – I can’t say what but this something; you know when on some nights with the lights dimmed, we sit by the window side watching shadows passing by and lost in thoughts counting and recounting what went wrong?

One thing I realized was that holding onto to memories will only lead to pain, but then letting go, it feels like a heart that’s broken – no, rather smashed into a million tiny carcasses; which now lay waste among the million faces I pass by everyday in this city I now call my own

Let me tell you something – my chemist thinks I am a drug addict with the amount of injections I have been purchasing lately, but then I wish I’d use them for heroin and not for drawing out blood to lower the BP or to inject alcohol into my bloodstream to make it lukewarm. But then smoking like a chimney isn’t really helping my case either – I am being crippled rather subtly but there’s no regret; just a silver lining to be honest – a realization that death would come sooner.

Ah death! I never made it as a human. And acting like one is hard, takes a lot to hold it all, seems like a horde of needles are being pierced into the fold of my skin every second with electricity being passed every now and then for kicks, too see how’d I twitch to the sweet essence of numbness.

They don’t realize – I have thing inside of me I need to kill

But that tear stained reflection did convince me of something – I was having a better time asleep, dreaming. And that is if nothing rather sad – it’d seem like reverse night, only I seemed to wake up in a nightmare.

I am going to go back to sleep, and wake up to another nightmare in this city I’ve come to call home – end soon.