“And then he gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.”
― Suzanne Collins,
It’s been a while since I have genuinely missed a person to this extent, feels weird.
I last met last him on saturday night, it’s middle of the day on a monday and all I think about is this boy with his wicked smile.
I realised since I last met him – it’d be a long week without him.
While I am sitting here typing this there’s a thought that’s been on the back of my head knocking in that annoying tone (Yes, that one) – Was I missing him because I was slowly falling in love, or was it because I was in love that I missed him or, perhaps neither but simply because he was mine?
While I did miss him, he had become more of a habit – but, I had missed a small detail this boy was in love with a girl (better than the dilapidated person I was) as was the girl with this sun of a person (why they won’t date isn’t my place to ponder – but, gosh they’d make a couple) why would I suddenly bring this up? Well, I am in a bit of conflict – should I fall in love with him and let this sunshine tan me beyond repair (one sided affairs aren’t really that pretty, are they?) or just soak him and be the girl that’s there for him and will be.
Back to me missing him, I look like a hopeless romantic – but the romance hadn’t even started; while yes, I was a hopeless romantic – this boy wasn’t a romantic interest, yet.
Yet, I miss him – miss like I haven’t missed anyone else in a long time
“When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. That’s what I think. It’s just a form of sincerity.”
― Haruki Murakami,
“Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
It’s not warm when she’s away
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
And this house just ain’t no home
Anytime she goes away”
– Bill Withers, Ain’t No Sunshine (Single Version)
Rose petals sat there,
Adorning his stolen treasure –
Specks of corpses peeked from under
He was the king of thieves,
Sitting upon a stolen throne
A mental chair,
With bones for cushions
And the fallen – kept it in place
If one overlooked this –
They’d chance upon a tender past
A single lilac stay there,
Adoring the grave –
Specks of future, bleak
He was the whore’s son,
Sitting upon a debt
Directionless, rode on still
The boy of 4 – now a man
Stood there, teary
She ran her finger,
His locks posed a challenge though –
They glistened under the twilight sky
She was lost in his dreamy eyes,
Devoured by his gaze
Accents of walnut and coffee
Not a pretty medley for her stomach
Oh, did she mention his smile?
She could have gotten lost in field of sunflowers –
With the sun hitting just the right spots
If this is what infatuated romanticism was (?)
This boy could be her end –
Not that she’d mind that,
But – friends can be our end, too (?!)
This person –
Was her definition of perfection
(She know’s he wasn’t,
But dreaming doesn’t cost a pretty penny)
She now sat wrapped under layers,
Sipping on her eggnog –
With the sun coming out
She sat, dreaming of his fingers tracing her skin – distractedly
“I can’t take not knowing what the next day will bring- the uncertainty is sawing me in two. The room is dark. A flickering candle burns on the window ledge a few feet away. I take a deep breath, which is to say, as deep a breath as I can take.
“Are you okay?” Sarah asks.
I wrap my arms around her. “I miss you,” I say.
“You miss me? But I’m right here.”
“That’s the worst way to miss somebody. When they’ re right beside you and you miss them anyway.”
― Pittacus Lore,
How wicked do smiles have to be to make one fall in love with the person? He was becoming like the muse one searches for and fails to find – the type poetry has tried to immortalize time and again
I realized one thing over the past few weeks, this Joe with his smile and gleaming eyes – isn’t for the average person, this one’s made for a love that runs deep, not the shallow waters of flirtatious fun
If I could, I won’t think twice about becoming selfish with about this boy – this person has made me smile when I won’t even bother waking up. And if someone was to ask me one thing I will not do for this person – live. I won’t live for him, but I’d die for him, without a second thought; you’d wonder why? The answer is pretty straightforward to be honest – I wouldn’t want to be here, if its he’s not around.
It was happening all too suddenly, while it’d not really mean much perhaps – he was creeping closer, I wasn’t really minding it, however what was bothering me – was how I didn’t really mind this person getting closer. Something that hadn’t happened in a while.
Here’s to his wicked smile – one I could almost fall in love with
There’s this boy I met – it’s been perhaps a little more than a month since I have come to know this person but, gosh – where was this person over the past year?
If anything, this person on some level would make me believe in goodness of people, of how some people just tend to shine brighter than their darkness. This boy, with this walnut-coffee eyes is my sunshine, oh and the way he smiles – those gentle crinkling of his eyes and the way his mouth curves up, one could fall in love with this boy – and won’t she be a lucky one!
If someone was to ask me what he was to me, I’d answer (without skipping a beat, mind you) “Family“.
“I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.”
― John Green
This boy, was worth everything, he was greater than the sum of his parts. I couldn’t help but feel nothing affection for this ball of fluffy goodness, that seems to ooze out of him – and every time this boy is sad or is tilting towards it – I break a little inside, why? This boy deserves (if anything) nothing but the warm sun hitting him while he sits under the shade, with his favourite book sipping on coffee and chuckling every now and then
My life has been rather dark and messy lately – this person is one of the reasons I am alive, still here writing this. I hope this person realizes he’s loved and wanted and would start to appreciate himself more. People like me need people like him more than they need us, I would go to the moon and back for this person
“I feel like my life is so scattered right now. Like it’s all these small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan but, talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. Like things could actually make sense. You completely un-scatter me, and I appreciate that so much.”
― David Levithan,
Perhaps, words would never be enough to describe what he meant to me or what he has come to be.
Here’s to him and his smile – and the boy who has become like family
Thank you, sunshine